Here’s where Jackass 3D lost me: we fade in on a miniature train set. As the train loops in and out between the small buildings of a town, the camera slowly pans back, showing as a green volcano. Suddenly, explosive diarrhea shoots out of the top of the “volcano” which is, of course, some dude’s ass painted forest green. Then more shit spews out. Then some more. Then a last little bit.
All the surrounding Jackassers laugh uproariously before we see the exact same clip again, this time in slow motion. Really?
Some of the stunts in the Jackass franchise (yes, it can be called a franchise, due to the shitload of money the films make) are actually quite funny. Can I tell you what any of them are? Of course not. Why? Because for every hilarious stunt, there is five supremely disgusting ones.
The Volcano Shitter is just the beginning. There’s flying a remote-controlled helicopter that is tied to the end of a guy’s dick, drinking the sweat produced from an obese man’s workout, and strapping a mini video camera next to a guy’s balls as he proceeds to urinate on members of the film’s cast and crew.
This isn’t funny. It’s fucking gross. And that’s probably why the theatre I was in, filled almost entirely with 18-27 year old males and their girlfriends, didn’t laugh once during any of those skits.
Beyond the grossness of it all, here’s what I was thinking while watching this film:
- Smart to put it in 3D, which undoubtedly helped propel it to a $50 million opening weekend
- What kind of drugs are these guys on?
- How much of this is real? (Which stunts are completed using legit stuntman and/or visual effects?)
- When will it be over?
The answer to my last question couldn’t come soon enough. D-