Monday, April 29, 2013

Pain & Gain

Michael Bay’s latest and purposefully modest film, Pain & Gain is full of everything you can expect from a Michael Bay production. It’s laughably stylized with numbing post-production work, a moronic screenplay, phoned-in acting and an inexplicably laborious running time. I watched all 130 minutes of this tired romp, most of which was spent staring at the screen under an intense spell of boredom and indifference.

But by the time the credits rolled, I had thought of a simple and hopefully effective takedown. I was going to harp on how absurd the film’s originating story was. About how Pain & Gain bastardized the term “Based on a True Story,” in ways I had rarely seen. About how no one in their right mind would be foolish enough to do what the characters in this film did. Shortly after seeing the movie, I was horrified to discover the three original newspaper stories that served as its basis. Everything in Pain & Gain, I soon learned, was absolutely true. In fact, Bay had to drastically dumb his film down to make it more believable. And I wondered then what I wonder now: is it possible to actually appreciate a new Michael Bay film?
Pain & Gain tells the story of Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg), a fitness freak with ambitions that cause him to commit crime. For his latest heist, he recruits two guys from the Miami-set Sun Gym where he works. Adrian (Anthony Mackie) is an impressionable nitwit who is defined by his steroid-induced impotence, and Paul (Dwayne Johnson), an idiotic meathead in recovery who is fresh from a stint in Attica. Daniel devises a plan to kidnap one of his richest clients, Victor (Tony Shalhoub), and hold him hostage until Victor signs all of his assets over to the Sun Gym Gang. They snatch, they grab, and they wait. It takes one month of torture for Victor to forfeit everything over to Daniel, and once he does, Daniel and his merry band of misfits have a ball living it up in South Beach. The police don’t believe Victor’s story, so he’s forced to hire a private eye (Ed Harris) to track Daniel down.

Writer Pete Collins was intrigued by this true story, so he pitched a book idea to various publishers, but was denied outright. Finally, the Miami News Times bought into the tale, and Collins penned a massive three part, 29,000-word exposé on the deranged affair.

And it was my discovery of Collins’ original article that shifted my perception of Bay’s film.
Pain & Gain is a lavish film. It’s about excess, burden, and the justification of the American dream by any means necessary. And it’s also pretty damn funny. For the film’s first act, I chuckled at the stupidity of the characters involved – laughing with them, mind you, not at them. I let myself have a little fun. And then it got to be too much. After the Sun Gym Gang successfully rips Victor off, Pain & Gain turns into a music video shitshow void of believability. But, again, hell if it didn’t happen. Hell if the Miami police didn’t laugh in Victor’s face, hell if the Tasers, chainsaws, murders, cocaine and overall human ignorance didn’t pan out how Bay depicted it. So, does the fact that the film is bathed in reality make it worthy? Not exactly.

Michael Bay cuts his films like a kid who’s just been exposed to movie-editing software. Too rapid, too misguided, with every transitional effect thrown in because why not. There’s no restraint to Bay’s films, but you know that. I know that. You see a Bay film because you want to see shit blow up. You want to see guns shot, cars sped and women exploited. And while I appreciate that a.) this is Bay’s cheapest film since his tremendously fun debut, Bad Boys, and b.) it sticks damn close to the truth, there’s far too much of Bay’s stamp for me to view it positively. Bay has said Collins’ story was a darkly humorous mix between Pulp Fiction and Fargo, and he aimed to create something fast, cheap and out of control. Worthy effort, but I could just as soon live without it. D+

20 comments:

  1. There's a lot of things I would do than watch anything Michael Bay has done since Armageddon. I would rather eat shit than watch one of his films. I would rather be sodomized by men w/ sexual diseases than watch one of his films. I would rather jump off a cliff to my death than watch his films.

    I really loathe the guy very much since I am still convinced that Pearl Harbor is and always will be the worst film ever made.

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    1. I swear to God, you are one of the funniest damn people I've ever met. Hilarious. I only saw this because I was bored as hell and had a few free hours on Saturday. Maybe one day I learn to just stay away. Far, far away.

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  2. I really hate to say it but I actually found this to be quite enjoyable (sinks head in shame). Are the performances bad - yes (I actually couldn't tell if The Rock was just acting badly or attempting to play that much of an idiot). Is it overly stylized - yes. Is it exploitative - yes. Those and many other things but goddamn if I didn't laugh throughout the entire thing. From a director whose movies are average at best (Bad Boys, The Rock) to mind-numbingly terrible (Transformers, never seen Pearl Harbor but I'll take everyone's word on it) I have to say that this was the best film I have seen from him. Damning with faint praise.
    I'd give it a B- .

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    1. Hey man, you will NEVER hear me tell you (or anyone) that your opinion is wrong or misguided. I say it a lot, because it's true: we like what we like. I honestly did have a lot of fun with this in the first act, but then I got sick of it quickly. I will admit, though, that I was much more intrigued by it once I discovered it was all true. Shit is crazy.

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  3. I was going to give this a look, but there are more interesting films out (like Mud and Trance) that I need to see. Still, I might check it out on DVD, if I feel like wasting some time. ;)

    LOVE the new banner by the way. That Spring Breakers shot is awesome!

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    1. Thanks man, glad you dig the new banner!

      Yeah you feel like kicking back with some buddies and some beer one lazy night, then maybe I can recommend Pain & Gain. But still, it isn't nearly as fun as Bad Boys or The Rock.

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  4. There was no danger of my watching this ... ever. I still have lingering post-traumatic stress from sitting through Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. This is something to which I NEVER would have subjected myself, especially with all the terrific movies I've never gotten around to watching. But it's kinda rude to walk out of the theater when you've taken your kid to the movies. Plus child protective authorities frown on your abandoning your children in public places.

    Sadly the beneficiary of this experience, who was just a little boy at the time, also felt this movie was beneath his level. Go figure.

    LOVE the first paragraph of this post. Hilarious. :-)

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    1. Haha thanks! Transformers 2 is one of the Top 5 worst films I've ever seen. It is a complete fucking travesty. This is a little better, but yes, considering how much other great stuff is out there, I say skip it!

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    2. Transformers 2, or as my daughter calls it "The Disaster That Was Transformers 2," undoubtedly deserves a place on that Worst 5 list. Now I'm curious ... what are the other 4? ;-)

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    3. I really do need to sit down and draft that list. Dunno the exact other four, but the worst film I've ever seen is Sex and the City 2. By far.

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  5. This is my next post, so I sort of skimmed yours, but I must say, I thought this movie was a good f--king time. Sure, it has all of Bay's annoying hallmarks, and is entirely too long, but I lapped it up. Reminded me of the goofy nature of The Rock and his earlier stuff, before he shat upon the world a trilogy of awful Transformer, er, films.

    I think Bay's dreaded reputation is well-earned, but is likely going to sink this one, somewhat unfairly. Oh well.

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    1. I can easily see how people would lap this up, and that's all good. Much of it was a lot of fun, no doubt. I really think I would've liked it more if it was 25 minutes shorter. But like you said... oh well.

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  6. Nooo! This film looked hilarious! I'm actually gutted its not getting very good reviews. Baaah!
    Ah well, I think I'll still see it anyway haha.

    I blame Michael Bay...for everything.

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    1. Every.Thing. Ha, love it.

      I thought it looked fun too, and as some of the comments above suggest, a lot of people really think it is. Give it a go, but just know that you're drifting into Bay land.

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  7. I've yet to watch this bad boy, y'know for good reason. Michael Bay and I have a very interesting relationship in which I am magnetically drawn to his atrocious work time after time and usually end the evening by screaming at a friend/co-worker/loved one about how/why that was the worst thing I had seen in awhile. As the void99 put it, eating shit is far more appealing than taking in the all flash, no substance, commercially charged, gimmick laden efforts of Michael Bay. I remember a scene from The Island in which Bay took an opportunity to show a pair of Puma's in not one but two shots back to back!

    Pearl Harbor is kinda like Cimino's The Deer Hunter for incredibly stupid people who haven't the foggiest idea of the ramifications of war. Although it isn't as offensive to my sensibilities as the directorial efforts of Prince and Uwe Boll, it may be the worst blockbuster film ever made.

    In summary, I'll see Pain & Gain on a cheap night at the theatre and try not to have an aneurysm.

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    1. Haha this comment is awesome. I actually know exactly what you're talking about. There's a certain level of fun to Bad Boys and The Rock that makes me foolishly, reluctantly give Bay a shot from time to time. Hell, even parts of Armageddon are fun and genuinely heartfelt, but everything since has been a complete wash. I thought, given Pain & Gain's modest budget, Bay was going to scale his flashiness back. Sadly...nope.

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  8. I don't know what it was with me but I can't say that I hated this one. Granted, it is pretty crummy movie that sides with the bad guys in this situation, but I at least was entertained for the most part. It seemed like the type of story that Bay wanted to direct, rather than just one he chose to do because he doesn't anything else better to do with his spare time. Good review Alex.

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    1. Hey man, this was a perfectly entertaining flick for the most part. So no worries that you dug it, just wasn't fully for me!

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  9. I watched this film and it wasn't so bad. I thought Rebel Wilson and The Rock did well. Mark Wahlberg can't act to save his life. I still shudder thinking about 'NAWT YOU! NAWT YOU! NAWT YOU!" from The Fighter.

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    1. Oh God, that rant from The Fighter is pretty rough. Your comment made me laugh out loud.

      As for Pain and Gain, I think I forgot about that movie the second I hit publish on this review. Glad you enjoyed parts of it though.

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