Friday, May 18, 2012

Battleship


After the “necessary” plot details are thrown into play (something about US officials shooting lasers into space to ignite the curiosities of would-be alien life forms) Peter Berg’s Battleship briefly divulges into some amusing character development.

Soon after we meet the Hopper brothers – the older, wiser, Navy man, Stone (because people are really named Stone), and the younger screw-up, Alex – Alex decides to break into a convenience store. Basically, what carries out is a send-up of my favorite viral video of all time. American blockbusters are always trying to be hip and relate to its young audience via the latest pop culture references (remember the "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" bit from X-Men: The Last Stand?). We see it all the time, but I’ve never seen it done this refreshingly.


Everything consequential to that scene is a standard aliens-invade-Earth summer popcorn shitshow. Stone (Alexander Skarsgård) demands that Alex (Taylor Kitsch) join the Navy, which he does, and is soon on the chopping block for fighting.
Right as Alex is nearly ordered off the ship, aliens plummet into the ocean just off the coast of Hawaii. They impose, they attack, and by the end of the first major action scene, Alex is somehow the commander of the only remaining ship. (Oh the marvel of disregarding so many ridiculous plot coincidences.)

You know how the show goes: the good guys fight the bad beings, useless subplots are frequently cut to, old white men in military garb argue in far away war rooms, shit blows up, humor is attempted, and failed, and so on.

Look, I dig Peter Berg. His Friday Night Lights is not only one of the best football films ever made, it’s one of the best high school flicks, too. And the show he spun off of that film is one of the finest programs to ever air on television. The guy has talent, but Hancock and now Battleship make clear that he’s only interested in using that talent for financial gain. Fair enough, as long as he knows that with hyperbolic paychecks often comes critical castration.
Yes, this is an actual still from the movie
Battleship is being compared most to Michael Bay’s absurd Transformers films. That’s unfair. Battleship is much more fun than Bay’s colossal headaches. There’s an oddly nostalgic scene in Berg’s film that directly references the board game it is based on. It should also be noted that Taylor Kitsch’s Alex is a more grown up version of his Friday Night Lights character, Tim Riggins, which I am perfectly okay with, seeing as how Tim Riggins is an iconic badass. Another shout out goes to Jesse Plemons, who made Landry one of the best characters in Friday Night Lights. It’s good to see Plemons and Kitsch back in the mix, I just wish it was in a different context. C-

Note: for something far more entertaining (and far less time consuming) than Berg’s film, check out this recent interview: 

16 comments:

  1. Nice to learn you are an FNL fan! Such a great show. Thanks for writing this up - pretty much confirms that I won't be seeing this one anytime soon.

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    1. Yeah, you can definitely skip this one. If anything, it made me want to watch FNL again.

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  2. Woah, love this youtube video, the determination of this guy! It's too bad Skarsgard and Neeson are wasting their time on films like this one. The second photo in the review is hilarious!

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    1. The scene in which that photo is taken from is ridiculous, like... really? Anyhow, not only are Skarsgard and Neeson wasting their time with stuff like this, they are BARELY in the damn movie. Stupid.

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  3. Anybody missing out on a lack of Michael Bay flick this Summer, will feel so much better with this loud piece of junk. And when I mean loud, I mean LOUD!! Lame action movie that did nothing new and it's writing is terrible. Oh well, I guess that's why they call it Summer. Good review Alex.

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    1. Agree with everything you said. In fact, I may have been a little too kind with it. The fact that I saw it in a theater that let's you drink booze probably didn't help with this.

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  4. I quite liked Hancock until that twist in the story. Anywho this was out in the UK a month before the US and I never saw it. Nothing appealing whatsoever. Battle LA but on water...

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    1. Ugh, that "twist" in Hancock was absurd.

      Concerning Battleship: Yup. You got it.

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  5. That is a hilarious clip although it does confirm that Peter Berg is a fucking moron. I'd knock that motherfucker out.

    Thee is no fucking way in hell I will see this. I didn't like Hancock either. Fuck this U.S. military propaganda bullshit. I'd rather join... no, the KISS Army fucking sucks too! It just ain't the same w/o Ace & Peter.

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    1. Dude, I knew Berg was intense, but THAT intense... jesus.

      Yeah, skip this one, for sure.

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  6. Lovely review. Enjoyed reading it totally. I'm glad I didn't watch this film and now after you're post will definitely not watch it.

    Take a look at my site and let me know what you think

    http://movieroundup.in/

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  7. I can't decide whether the director (in youtube video) is a douchebag with anger management issues, or is just very passionate. I'm glad I'm not an actor on any of his films...

    The movie is not for me

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    1. Yeah, it could be one or the other or both. Either way... he doesn't seem like someone I'd want to work with.

      Battleship wasn't for me either, totally skippable.

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  8. I think Peter Berg did a rather good job with Hancock but Battleship is pretty bad. He also did some films that I enjoyed: Very Bad Things is very good film, Friday Night Lights is probably the best football film ever, The Kingdom was pretty exciting and moving but I never saw Lone Survivor. What did you think about that one?

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    1. I too love Very Bad Things and Friday Night Lights. Both The Kingdom and Lone Survivor (but definitely more Lone Survivor) are a little too RAH-RAH! for me. Though the final act of Lone Survivor tells a really interesting story.

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