Monday, July 9, 2012

Ted


In Ted, a little boy with no friends wishes that his Christmas teddy bear was real. The next morning, much to the denial of Ted’s owner, John, and John’s parents, Ted is a walking, talking, breathing thing. Ted soon becomes famous, hitting the late night show circuit, signing autographs – because, you know, he’s a goddamn talking teddy bear. Jump cut a few decades later and John and Ted have remained best friends, but instead of snowball fights and cartoons, they now opt for weed, booze and…cartoons.

As a grown man, John is played by Mark Wahlberg, who acts exactly like his character from The Other Guys, minus the anger. Ted is voiced by director Seth MacFarlane, and sounds exactly like his Peter Griffin from Family Guy. John’s live-in girlfriend is played my Mila Kunis, who acts exactly like her characters from Friends with Benefits, Extract, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Date Night and, well, you get it. Ted is basically the recycling of the talents of everyone involved. There’s nothing new or particularly hilarious, it’s a standard comedy romp that attempts to be different by having a teddy bear play one of the leads.

Plot? The understanding girlfriend grows increasingly tired that her longtime boyfriend is still best friends with a kind but crude teddy bear. Ted slowly begins to split the couple apart, and once things are pushed too far, he fights to bring them back together.
Look, I’m not trying to make slight of what Ted is attempting to be. It’s not trying to change the landscape of contemporary American comedy, it’s just trying to make people laugh for two hours. And, if you’re a remote fan of Family Guy (which I kind of am, sometimes), then MacFarlane’s wildly politically incorrect humor will have you rolling. Problem is, in Ted, MacFarlane saves all of the laughs for himself; the rest of the movie is stale in comparison.

Rare exceptions: Patrick Warburton’s exquisitely dry delivery of being a black-out drunk, and Joel McHale’s constant come-ons toward Kunis. A handful of spirited cameos attempt to make this movie better than it is, and by the end, I seriously doubt you’ll consider your money well spent.

Also note that I would be rating this movie slightly higher if it did not involve a pointless subplot in which Giovanni Ribisi and his overweight son attempt to kidnap Ted. That storyline is bafflingly out of place. It has nothing to do with anything and makes the film 20 minutes longer than it needs to be. D+

12 comments:

  1. I'll guess I'll give this a rental, it seemed crude and amusing by the trailers, but I guess most of the jokes are in the trailiers...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah this is definitely a movie that showed its best jokes in the trailers. A rental is a very good idea. I'd skip it in theaters.

      Delete
  2. I'll probably catch this one on DVD since it has Mila in it, but damn, I wish she made better movies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what I'm saying! Where's our Lily?! This black swan has it in her.

      Delete
  3. Reading your review just reminded me of how much I didn't like this movie. Seriously considering a downgrade to 1 star.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I really enjoyed your review, glad we were on the same page. There was just nothing to it. Oh well, moving on!

      Delete
  4. Wow, this movie was hilarious Alex. It didn't try o be a masterpiece of filmmaking, it tried to be really fucking funny. I thought it suceeded

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha whoa, guess you really like Ted, huh? I didn't hate it or anything, I just thought it could've been a half hour shorter, especially if it cut out the pointless kidnapping subplot. It really was like most every other romantic comedy I've seen, except this one had a crude talking bear. Funny but forgettable, I'd say.

      Delete
  5. I saw this last night since it only just got a recent release and had a feeling it'd be better than I expected since it had been getting decent reviews and Ebert had raved about it, but wow was I sorely mistaken. This was basically a film of unused Family Guy jokes and Ted just felt like Peter Griffin doing stand-up material to the TV. I'm fine with politically incorrect humour and pushing the boundaries, but the jokes in this weren't even funny. Neither of the (TWO) 9/11 jokes were funny or offensive and just felt like a failed attempt to be edgy. I also thought that MacFarlane would be at the age where saying the word retarded doesn't seem funny anymore, apparently not.

    Way too many unsuccessful gags thrown into this film and it was just pop culture reference after pop culture reference. The needless attacks on Bieber, Brandon Routh and Katy Perry were all really weak as well, the whole audience in the theatre is aware that Justin Bieber is awful, and the joke Ted tells is basically "Justin Bieber sucks, now laugh at my never heard before insight"

    The tone of the film was really everywhere as well, like the fight scene. It felt like it was meant to be the dramatic climax of the film yet was full of comedic fight set pieces and added sound effects. I'm normally quite lenient with immature comedy films and embrace my inner child when watching them, but this was a complete turd.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awesome and accurate comment. I couldn't agree more with everything you said. The jokes failed, the humor was crass for the sake of being crass (thanks for calling out the not-at-all-funny continual use of the word "retard"), and the climax was just... what?

      I was really trying to be as kind as possible when writing this review by taking into context the audience it is targeting, and the success it would have with them. But either way, a turd indeed.

      Delete
  6. I laughed so hard at this film. Was great. I loved it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Man, this one just really didn't work for me. But hey, at least Ted's Twitter account is hilarious.

      Delete