Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Robin Hood

What you’ll get out of Robin Hood:

  • Tested patience during the endless first hour
  • Confused sensibilities by not understanding what the hell anyone is talking about
  • Worthless political discussions
  • Yet another Ridley Scott disappointment
  • A shirtless, bulky, if not slightly chunky, Russell Crowe in at least one scene
  • A bored Cate Blanchett
  • An even more uninterested Max von Sydow
  • Curiosity as to how old Max von Sydow really is
  • A kick-ass, but brief, fight scene finale

What you won’t get out of Robin Hood:

  • A coherent plot
  • Any sense that Robin is a ‘hood’
  • Hardly any mention of the Sheriff of Nottingham, who you thought was the main villain
  • A single scene well-acted with conviction
  • A decent action scene in the first two hours and 10 minutes
  • A feeling of time well spent, knowing that the final battle was too little-too late
  • A remote desire to see the sequel, which is shamelessly set up by the final title card
  • A lasting thought in your head regarding this movie

What you should do with Robin Hood:

  • Not see it…
  • …because if you do, you’ll know it deserves a D


  1. "Hardly any mention of the Sheriff of Nottingham, who you thought was the main villain"

    Isn't this supposed to take place during the crusades before he returns home to Nottingham to deal with the sheriff?

  2. I have not a clue. I just know that he isn't in this one. And Alan Rickman tore it up in Costner's version.

  3. This post is very amusing, don't worry I wont go see it.