Tuesday, July 10, 2012

To Rome with Love


Where do I even begin with To Rome with Love, the new romantic comedy that is as disastrous as anything the great Woody Allen has ever made? We can start by trying to dissect the purposefully and pointlessly incoherent plot. By the end of my summary, hopefully you’re as confused as I was while watching the movie.

Set in the Eternal City, To Rome with Love simultaneously tells four separate stories that have nothing to do with one another, the only reason they are presented in one whole films is, well, shit, I have no idea. 


(Now, please don’t take the next few paragraphs as me trying to be cute or funny. I’m not deliberately making the plot sound jumbled as an attempt at sarcasm – I just honestly had no idea what the hell was happening, or why.)
In one story, a famous architect (played by Alec Baldwin) runs into a young architect student (played by Jesse Eisenberg) on the street. Before long, the student invites Baldwin to his apartment for an espresso. Once in the apartment, the student’s girlfriend (Greta Gerwig) says that her overly sexual best friend (Ellen Page) is coming to visit. Once Page arrives, things play out in typical Woody Allen fashion. The boy falls for the girl, despite having a perfect girlfriend, and so on. Problem here is, throughout this plotline, Baldwin frequently acts as the voice of reason in Eisenberg’s ear. No, literally. He talks to Eisenberg during the scene, in front of the women (who don’t seem to hear him, except for Page, who hears him sometimes). So, basically, Eisenberg and Baldwin continually engage in this witty back and forth during every scene, but their exchanges are never heard by the other characters, unless they… are. Is Baldwin’s character real? A figment of both Eisenberg and Page’s imaginations? I haven’t the slightest clue, and neither does the movie.

Another story has Allen and Judy Davis as a married couple, visiting Rome to meet their daughter’s Italian fiancĂ©, Michelangelo. Once they arrive, Allen (playing a retired music producer) becomes completely taken with Michelangelo’s fathers’ operatic singing voice. Problem is, the father can only sing well in the shower. Solution: put a shower on an opera stage so the father can sing Verdi and become famous. No, really.
Then there’s Roberto Benigni, who plays Leopoldo, a common Italian man with a loving family and a cubicle day job. One morning while walking to his car, he is bombarded by paparazzi. Apparently, Leopoldo has become the most famous person in the world overnight, for no apparent reason. He is famous, he is soon told, for being famous. Is Allen trying to make a statement on America’s obsession with the Paris Hiltons and Kim Kardashians that litter pop culture? (Does Allen even know who Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are?) Again, I have no idea, and I fear that the film doesn’t either.

Lastly, there is the story of an innocent, freshly married Italian couple wrapped with cases of mistaken identity. In short, the wife leaves to get her hair done, and Penelope Cruz, playing a prostitute, shows up to the husband’s hotel room and demands to have her way with him. The man’s extended family walks in, and he explains that Cruz is his wife. So he and Cruz spend the day together, while the real wife accidentally meets her favorite movie star and ends up falling in love with him.

What?

To add to the confusion, the Baldwin, Allen, and Benigni stories all take place over several days (or weeks?), while the Cruz segment takes place in one afternoon.  We’re never told why we are following these specific people, and we’re never given the slightest shred of reasoning as to why things are the way they are.
I was afraid to write this review. Woody Allen is one of my favorite directors. I’ve seen every single movie he has done, and, although he’s made as many bad movies as great ones, there is no denying the stamp he has left on the cinematic landscape. Most everyone has an Allen movie(s) that they completely adore, and many of us have Allen films we could live without. Now, picture the worst of his you’ve seen, and multiple its pointlessness by 10, that’s To Rome with Love.

I was afraid to write this review because I knew, through writing, my true feelings would emerge. And, it is with great sadness that I relent that To Rome with Love is the worst film Woody Allen has ever made. I’d say better luck next time, but hell, who knows. F

29 comments:

  1. I have only skimmed this, but gah that is depressing. Woody Allen is my favourite filmmaker, and even his worst has something for me. I mean I even like Scoop. I was really looking forward to Jesse Eisenberg and the return of Judy Davis and Penelope Cruz in a Woody film. I think I still may like it, but I am going to go into it with very less hopes.

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    1. Hey, I'm right there with you. There are things about Scoop I enjoy too. I always try to find the bliss in every Allen film, even his weaker ones, but To Rome with Love is a disastrous misfire. It honestly makes not the slightest bit of sense. As one of my Twitter followers commented yesterday, Soon-Yi wanted an Italian vacation, and this was the result. Funny, but maybe true.

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  2. An F!!! Wowee. I liked Midnight in Paris without loving it, so I might not even bother with this one.

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    1. Man, I rarely give Fs, but in my heart of hearts, that's what this movie deserves. I agree with you about Midnight in Paris, good film, not a great one. Either way, nothing makes up for this epic fail.

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  3. I agree that it was jumbled, messy, and that it was strange to have one plot unfolding over a day while others spanned longer (though that didn't bother me too much). But I think they stories all fit together well as an exploration of celebrity culture: how fleeting it is, how stars are so entitled, the disparity between commoners and celebrities. Far from a great film, but I think there are some interesting ideas at work. And it's great to have Allen back on screen.

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    1. Man, I'm glad you were able to find moderate enjoy out of this. Believe me, few love Woody Allen more than I do, so, for me, watching this movie was like watching a horrific car accident. I shouldn't have been watching, but I couldn't take my eyes off it.

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  4. Yeah, this movie was a total and complete mess. When Woody Allen, he's really bad and this only proves that even more because every talent here is pretty much wasted. Even Alec Baldwin. How the hell can you waste him in a movie?!? Good review Alex.

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    1. Couldn't agree more, Dan! Everyone was wasted here. Real real shame.

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  5. To be honest, he could put out Hollywood Ending 2: No End In Sight and I'd still be like "ooh, more jittery, self-deprecating Jewish comedy, Christmas (no irony intended) has come early". So I'm bumping the F up to a low B or something in my mind. Guess I'll see when it comes out in the UK in September. For the record, though, I thought Scoop was pretty great, so I guess I'm a lost cause.

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    1. Ha that was too funny. Dude, I LOVE Woody Allen, and there were parts of Scoop (and Hollywood Ending) I really enjoyed. All's I'll say is, just wait until you see this. Actually, I'm quite curious what you'll think. It really was a huge miss for me.

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    2. Pretty chuffed that I'm out-funny-ing Woody Allen already...

      I think your "The Directors" article on him was how I found this blog. Mostly pretty on-the-money! I'll be sure to drop you a line somehow when I eventually see this.

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    3. Oh really? That's so cool! I don't know if you're on Twitter, but you can find me there @shiftingPersona. I definitely want to read your thoughts about this movie once you've seen it.

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    4. Follow ya already, man. I'm @goodmornvietnam. Named after a movie I've never seen - long story there, ha.

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  6. Yikes!! I plan on watching this year for my Auteurs piece on Allen slated for next year. Wow... another dud after the brilliance that was Midnight in Paris.

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    1. Yeah man, dud indeed. I couldn't believe me eyes. Quite easily the worst Allen film I've ever seen. Good luck with it!

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  7. Oh man that sucks. What a waste of Judy Davis and Allen back as an actor again! I did read this thing about Baldwin's character being confusing in many reviews, I wonder what is the deal with that.

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    1. Baldwin's character makes NO. SENSE. Really really sad. And yes, Davis and Allen back together amounts to nothing here. Seriously bummed me out.

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  8. It's Woody Allen on cruise control, but I didn't hate it as much as you did. By now, I'm used to these hiccups by him, and I just went with it. I also love Allen's movies, so I'll stick with him through his lesser work. But I was undoubtedly biased with my C+ rating.

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    1. Hey that's fair enough. Believe me, I tried to not hate it as much as I did. Before I wrote this review, I was thinking of a grade D, but as I wrote the review, I fully realized how awful the movie was. I battled hard to not give it the grade I did, but I really think that's what it deserves. Bummer man.

      What's for favorite and least favorite Allen film?

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    2. Hands down favorite would be Hannah and Her Sisters, though Manhattan is right up there with it. My least favorite would be Every Thing You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask. I'd rewatch To Rome with Love twice before I'd think of watching that again.

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    3. Ha nice. My favorite is Another Woman (with Husbands and Wives a close second) but Hannah is definitely right up there. Worst for me is The Curse of the Jade Scorpion, Anything Else, and, of course, To Rome with Love.

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    4. Haha. While I haven't seen Another Woman yet, I enjoyed The Curse of the Jade Scorpion and Anything Else. Husbands and Wives is fantastic though. Win some, lose some.

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    5. Ha, you said it. I think "win some, lose some" defines Woody's career.

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  9. OH NO! I'd heard it was bad (and the title definitely points towards total laziness), but this really bums me out. This is still one of those things I'm going to have to see to believe. Sigh....

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    1. Ha, I completely understand. But just know... you've been warned. dun dun DUUUUNNNN.

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  10. Wow,hash reviews for Mr.Allen,the only film I really enjoyed after 2000s is Match Point,the others are mediocre.

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    1. Believe me man, I didn't want To Rome with Love to be this bad. At all. But it really truly is god awful. Bummer.

      Match Point is my second favorite Allen film, I absolutely love it, and I agree that he hasn't made as good of a film since.

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  11. Hey Alex, this is Pindie (your Mom's friend!) and I actually have to say that I loved this Woody Allen film. Admittedly, having lived in Rome for the best years of my life and seeing so many of the streets and neighborhoods I grew to love (Trastervere for one) made me instantly love the film. If you've seen much of Fellini, you'll also have to agree that the plot wasn't everything! The "celebrity culture" bit is one facet that is on display here, but the other is simply the fact that if you're Italian, and you understand the Italian culture, all the madness and crazy scene flitting is actually very much in keeping with the pace and the message of the film. Celebrating the zany, wild, impetuous and passionate sides of Italian culture are immediately relevant. I would not be too harsh on the film! I gave it a solid 7!

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    1. Hey there Pindie! So good to hear from you, thanks so much for checking out the blog and commenting (even if we don't necessarily agree)!

      Your comment about the film is really quite interesting to me. I'm a huge Woody Allen fan, and I really truly honestly didn't want to dislike this movie as much as I did. At first, I definitely thought there was something about the Italian culture that I wasn't getting. But I'm friends with a lot of Italians on Twitter (real Italians, not Jersey Shore Italians haha) and they all said that this movie was a horrible representation of their culture and lifestyle, and that the movie is hated in Italy.

      So, who knows. We like what we like. No matter what, I'll definitely be catching Woody's next flick!

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