Last night I quite literally sat through one of the very best movie theater experiences of my life. As myself and roughly 20 others watched mostly white, fresh-faced twentysomethings get stabbed and shocked and decapitated in various ways, we did what every audience watching mostly white, fresh-faced twentysomethings getting stabbed and shocked and decapitated in various ways should do: laughed our asses off.
After 15 pointless opening minutes (more than have of which was dedicated to an absurdly drawn out credit sequence), the “vision” that begins each film in the franchise was well on its way. As a bridge under construction slowly began to crumble and give way, us audiences members sat, shielded by 3D glasses, waiting for that first kill; the initial death that sets the rest of the film in motion. As a poor red head fell hundreds of feet, only to be impaled by a giant pole, a large man seated in front of me bellowed out in uproarious laughter while giving his teenage son a high five, thereby setting the tone for what would be a genuinely hilarious experience.
The Final Destination franchise, unlike other torture porn films, has done a very smart thing with each passing movie: they have acknowledged how ridiculous they are and stopped at nothing to make fun of themselves. The makers of these films want you to laugh, not only at the methods they think up to kill their characters, but at the God-awful, softcore porn-worthy dialogue.
Normally, I’d be the first to urge you not see this movie in the theater, especially at $14 per 3D ticket. The Final Destination films are much better suited in a living room with a few buddies, two pies of pizza and plenty of beers to accommodate whatever drinking game you come up with. But if you’re lucky enough, you may be privy to a crowd like the one I had last night.
If you do find yourself paying all that money only to be sitting in a dark room with a bunch of stiffs, my advice is to break the ice and laugh first. Everyone else will follow suit. Believe me.
I see no real point in grading this movie. Really, what are you expecting?