Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Final Destination 5

Last night I quite literally sat through one of the very best movie theater experiences of my life.  As myself and roughly 20 others watched mostly white, fresh-faced twentysomethings get stabbed and shocked and decapitated in various ways, we did what every audience watching mostly white, fresh-faced twentysomethings getting stabbed and shocked and decapitated in various ways should do: laughed our asses off.

After 15 pointless opening minutes (more than have of which was dedicated to an absurdly drawn out credit sequence), the “vision” that begins each film in the franchise was well on its way.  As a bridge under construction slowly began to crumble and give way, us audiences members sat, shielded by 3D glasses, waiting for that first kill; the initial death that sets the rest of the film in motion.  As a poor red head fell hundreds of feet, only to be impaled by a giant pole, a large man seated in front of me bellowed out in uproarious laughter while giving his teenage son a high five, thereby setting the tone for what would be a genuinely hilarious experience.

The Final Destination franchise, unlike other torture porn films, has done a very smart thing with each passing movie: they have acknowledged how ridiculous they are and stopped at nothing to make fun of themselves.  The makers of these films want you to laugh, not only at the methods they think up to kill their characters, but at the God-awful, softcore porn-worthy dialogue. 

Normally, I’d be the first to urge you not see this movie in the theater, especially at $14 per 3D ticket.  The Final Destination films are much better suited in a living room with a few buddies, two pies of pizza and plenty of beers to accommodate whatever drinking game you come up with.  But if you’re lucky enough, you may be privy to a crowd like the one I had last night.

If you do find yourself paying all that money only to be sitting in a dark room with a bunch of stiffs, my advice is to break the ice and laugh first.  Everyone else will follow suit.  Believe me.

I see no real point in grading this movie.  Really, what are you expecting?


  1. The producers have brought the franchise back to basics with more gruesome deaths and a twist that will have the audience wanting more from the series. However, as fun as the death scenes are, everything else feels tedious and cheesy. Good Review! Check out mine when you can!

  2. I have only seen the first one in the series, and it was 'okay', from what I remember. I have no intentions watching this despite the rather pleasant experience that could come of it. Here in Australia its about $20-23 for a 3D film. I never recommend 3D because it is an extra $4 for usually a pretty average flick.

    Nice site. I look forward to reading more of your reviews. I stumbled across it after you commented on Duke and the Movies. I write @ Andy Buckle's Film Emporium (http://buckle22.blogspot.com)

  3. $23, my god... I would definitely pass on all 3D movies for that price.

    Thanks so much for reading, I've been scoping out your blog and I can already tell I'm going to love it. I see you reviewed Persona... I'm going to take a look at that tomorrow with fresh eyes. Love that movie.

  4. Unquestionably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification seemed to be on the net the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while people think about worries that they plainly don't know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

  5. Loved it particular the gymnast folds over onto herself smash after coming off of the bars.

  6. Replies
    1. Yeah, this series as a sort of macabre charm to it.