Friday, August 28, 2009

The Final Destination

The Final Destination (aka Final Destination Pt. 4, but who’s counting?) grossed more money its opening weekend than The Hurt Locker, The Cove, Food Inc. and Away We Go… combined.

But why?

The latter four are great films, the former isn’t. At all. You know this. So… why? Maybe it’s because when we go to movies like Final Destination or Saw or Friday the 13th or Halloween, we know exactly what we’re in for. Which is basically the result of a bunch of dudes sitting around an office brainstorming new ways to kill people.

The spin in this case is that the film is in 3-D. So not only do you get to see lame teenagers (whose dialogue is a step above that of a soft-core porno) being ripped and pulled and gorged and dragged and decapitated, but you actually get to see it as if it’s happening right in front of you! Wow, what a treat.

Horror films are back in a big way, and I’d like to find out why. Because it isn’t even the fresh ones, like Drag Me to Hell, that are making all the money, it’s the shitty remakes and sequels. Maybe it’s the economy; people would rather see kids get killed than think about their financial woes (but, how much is that trip to the theatre costing them?).

Oh gee, I haven’t even talked about the film, which is directed by the critically acclaimed auteur of Snakes on a Plane. But do you really need a thorough plot breakdown? No, you just need to know that shit blows up, people get killed, and that there will be a sequel. Maybe they’ll call it THE Final Destination. D

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