Thursday, January 28, 2010

2009: Best Quotes/Biggest Disappointments

10. “Are you cussin’ with me?!” – George Clooney, Fantastic Mr. Fox

9. “Bye bye Blackbird.” – Stephen Lang, Public Enemies

8. “Here… it make me feel, here.” - Gabourey Sidibe, Precious

7. “After that, I knew no one was ever gonna fuck with me again.” – Mike Tyson, Tyson

6. “The dolphin smile is nature’s greatest deception, it creates the illusion that they’re always happy.” – Ric O’Berry, The Cove

5. “Whoooa, whooa, whoa whoa whoa whoa, Terry. Whoa. Big mistake. Aw yeah. Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Big. Mistake. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa…whoa. OH YEAH.” – Shea Whigham, Bad Lieutenant

4. “I wanna talk about how bad you make this room look.” – Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

3. “Me… there’s only one thing I love.” – Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker

2. “You know somethin’, I think this just might be my masterpiece.” – Brad Pitt, Inglourious Basterds

1. Mo’Nique’s final monologue in Precious (quite simply the best delivered monologue in years)

5 Biggest Disappointments of 2009

I’m not interested in telling what movies suck, as you may have already guessed (ahem, Transformers 2). Instead, this list is for movies that I thought/hoped would be good but completely under-delivered.

Funny People
After his brilliant 40-Year-Old Virgin and the equally funny, if not too long, Knocked Up, Judd Apatow had to get all serious on us. Funny People doesn’t suck all of the time; its first few minutes are well done, but then it just drags on. And on. And on. Every “serious” moment in this movie fell flat (and had audience members laughing when Apatow wanted them crying).

The Lovely Bones
Visually, Peter Jackson can work his magic. But what he does in every one of his recent films (LOTRKing Kong) is overdirect. There is way too much going on in The Lovely Bones. I wasn’t sure who I was supposed to care about or fear or like. I know this is a common question, but: why leave out the best parts of a book, and leave in the lamest parts?

The Men Who Stare At Goats
Dear God, what a disaster. Given the fabulous cast, it isn’t asking a lot to expect a genuinly good time. Such is not the case with this dud. I had no idea what the hell was going on, and more importantly, I couldn’t care less what was happening. A complete waste of time.

Taking Woodstock
Ang Lee, one of the best foreign directors of American films, struck out bad with this coming-of-age story surrounding the biggest concert in history. You catch on pretty quick: “Oh ok, we’re not going to see or hear any of the music.” After you come to that conclusion, you’re let down for the rest of the film. No redemable quality whatsoever.

Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself
Oh good Christ. I saw this for one reason only: to break my personal record of amount of movies seen in one month (this awful film was my 22nd in October). But holy shit was it painful to sit through. I had never seen a Tyler Perry flick before this, and bet your ass, I won’t be seeing another one.

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